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How to Get Over a Breakup

By Jody

For many people,going through a break up could be the worst time in their lives. The pain of letting someone you were once intimately connected with often takes a tool on their lives. 

If you do find yourself in a breakup situation, it is essentially to think through everything you experience carefully and do not be reactive or compulsive. Move and mull it over, again and again in a reasonable way. Take into account all the explanations you two brought up as to why things can't continue the way they used to be. 

If you simply enjoy being alone for a while, but the connection you both have does not seem to be working well, youmay have to terminate the relationship eventually. Try to think through your explanations why the relationship can't continue any longer and ensure the explanations are reasonable to an independent mind.

It takes two people to start a relationship, but to end it,it only requires one of them that feels they isn't any accord in the relationship anymore to end it. Thinking of why and how you got into the relationship in the first place and the reasons to end it will go a long way to to help you avoid other missteps in the future if you so choose to establish another relationship.

Sometimes when someone in a relationship makesa call to end it, they may begin to regret their decision later on. If the breakup is final, do not go on reflecting and romanticizing on just the good times you spent together. Try to focus on the elements that caused you to end it. This may help you to pick up your broken pieces and move on. If you did not make the call to end the  relationship, do not try to guess and spend countless amounts of time trying to figureout what you did that was wrong that brought the relationshipto an end. Sometimes the fault may not be yours and to not try to bear the burden of a fallout.  If you ex was really into you he/she would not have decided to bring everything you had together to an end.

Make sure to keep your distance  after the breakup. After a breakup,you couldstill remain friends with your ex, although you won't be  seeing each other intimately. You do not have to sever all communications like not talking to his/her family members not being around his/her members of the family, no phone calls, no e-mail or text message exchanges, no Facebook, and no IMs. You could still keep some communication,but always make sure the distance still remains. 

Maintain a limited commucation until you havve fully decided that you two will chat and remain close on strictly platonic level. If he/she tries to persuade you to meet upsometime for a chat, make sure your ex does nothave any ulterior motives and figure out beforehand what this meet and greet will be all about.

 

In trying to cope with an uneasy breakup, you will have to accept the outcome that you two won't be seeing each other any longer. Accepting resposibility for any mistakes you made, and stay decent. Just try to be civil and not make a scene of the breakup. Of course, you may want to blame it all on your ex, and not accept any blame which is totally natural,but accepting your faults will help you to move on and forget.

Sometimes when you recall the good  and bad moments of your past relationship, the recollections may drive you into a rage that you will feel like screaming aloud. Try to deal with the hate. This feeling will really depend on whether the you had a very messy breakup and the circumstances that caused it. You may resent your ex for wasting your time, deceiving you or making you feel worthless. Reharshing these feelings help some people to move on, but having to experience them over and over will be detrimentall to your health. It is absolutely essential to compose yourself and try to work things through. There are many positive things you could channel all your thoughts and emotions into that would be very helpful than focussing solely on the breakup. It may feel convenient and pleasing initially to switch your feelings of affection towards your ex with hate, this could still cause complications and mixed emotions of affection and hate that will affect how you move on.

During such to times, friends are really useful to help console you and provide you with needed advice to move on. Doo not shun your friends, try to talk with them and seek advice. Friends will provide you with comfort and the feeling of selfworth which you may lack during that period. They can offer encouraging words that put your character in perpective and provide a self reassurance that you are indeed a good person.

Some people deal with hard breakups by writing their feelings down. Many psychologists recommend this. And it could alsoapply to any situation in which you experience hardship. It also helps to channels your feelings into poems, or a song. Sometimes the things you write down will surprise you and they could be really helpful to you or others later on. 

As you begin to feel normal, things will begin to fall into their right place. You might begin to see patterns in you relationship that you never noticed before. Looking at your writings and putting things together, youwill realize how complex a life you two had had together. This is really useful when you find yourself in another relationship and  will provide you with essential tools to minimize or avoid pitfalls.

You should consider every relationship to never have been a complete failure,but an essential and inevitable part of your life that was meant to nurture you into who you finally become. 

These advice and more will help you overcome the tough times after a breakup and also offer an opportunity to see the good in you, what you did wrong and how to fix them in the future. 

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