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What to do After a Breakup

By Ako

 

Breakups happen and many different reasons could be suggested for breaking up a relationship. Getting over a breakup could sometimes be challenging. Whatever the reasons for it, there is no disputing the fact that breakups sometimes hurt to the very core of one’s heart and being. The feeling of pain is even more intense if the level of intimacy in the relationship was very deep. In relationships, people open up themselves to their partners at different levels. There comes a time when your intimacy with someone could be so deep that imagining leaving him or her just makes you anxious. Lets also point out from the onset that breakups are not always the result of something seriously wrong one or both partners may have done. Partners may sometimes just need a break from each other and because of the need for space, they become complicated in their approach to the relationship, thus pushing themselves apart. In such a situation, the decision to breakup is usually made passively and without proper evaluation of the situation or any firm decision taken.

 

Handling a breakup may not be the easiest thing in the world and life after a breakup could really feel lonely. Therefore you sometimes have people wanting to get back into a relationship with the very person they deciding to breakup with. Other people in other situations do not want to have anything to do with the relationship anymore though they may remain friends. Both situations are just fine. It all depends on what is in your heart and how ready you are to live with the decisions you have made. However, I have put together a few tips that would help you in dealing with a breakup depending on whether or not you want to get back into the relationship. So lets start with how one who wants to get back into a relationship can deal with a breakup situation.

 

 

If you want the relationship back

 

Maybe for some reason you loosed it and took a decision in the spur of the moment which you now seriously regret. The truth is, so long as you are interested in getting the relationship back, there may still be a way. But first you have to ask yourself some questions and answer them sincerely. Remember it takes two to be in a relationship. So the other person’s standpoint must seriously be considered.

 

What caused the breakup?

 

The important thing here is to know who was in the wrong with respect to the issues that led to the breakup. Handling a breakup could be a lot easier if you can figure out what exactly led to it in the first place. Of course knowing what led to the breakup is not about pointing fingers or throwing blames. You should do all the self searching to determine the extent to which you had been at fault. It is not time to throw blames on the other person and discharge yourself as not guilty. That would not work out well if you have the intention of getting back into the relationship. Knowing exactly what caused it could also help you cope with life after a breakup. If you made a mistake, first admit it to yourself and then get ready to admit it to your partner so that you can both put things in order. It will be difficult to get back a relationship if you don’t take out some time to understand what went wrong and know how to make amends. If your partner is responsible for the breakup by maybe cheating on you or taking the relationship for granted, you have to ensure that you are ready to let go of whatever may have been done wrong.

 

 

How affected is your partner

 

It may be that you are the cause of the breakup. Maybe something you did or did not do to bring things to the place where they are now. It is time to strip all the selfishness and self centerdness away and see things from your partner’s point of view. This should help you deal with the situation in a modest way. Sometimes, even those who are wrong in a relationship find it hard to apologize because they simply do not understand the extent to which their action, words or inactions may have hurt the other person. The extent to which your partner is affected by whatever led to the breakup may determine whether or not he or she is even willing to get into a relationship with you again.

 

How willing is he or she to get back into the relationships

 

There is no need trying to get back into a relationship with someone who is simply not interested or who may have already moved on with someone else. Getting over a breakup may be possible but having your ex back may not be easy if he or is not willing to have the relationship again. Examine the situation and if there is any possibility that the person is willing to love you again, then take the chance and do what you have to do. Lets hope that you already know the person in question and can tell whether or not they are going to give in if you make the effort to reestablish the relationship.

 

 

Check your motives for wanting to get back into the relationship

 

This may not sound like the kind of thing you want to hear now but it is important to check down within yourself and truthfully know why you are interested in reestablishing a broken relationship. Some breakups are better than staying in a relationship that is headed nowhere or detrimental to your life. For example, a breakup may ensue because a guy constantly cheats on the lady and even has the gods to sometimes beat her up. Now maybe because of how much she loves or is attached to him emotionally, she does not want to go on with her life without him in the picture. Believe me, there are several silly reasons why one may want to reestablish a relationship with another person after a breakup.

 

It may simply be because dealing with a breakup is too difficult for you to handle so you choose an easier way which is to get back in and avoid the pain. Sometimes, it is because of jealousy and the fear that some other person may get him or her to themselves. Other times people just find it difficult to let go because they have been in it for so long that they lost their sense of individuality at some point and became too attached. They cannot imagine living without the person they have broken up with. You will even be surprised that someone may seriously want a relationship with someone back simply because he or she is addicted to sex with that particular partner or sees a certain advantage of being in the relationship that could be lost if he or she does not reestablish the relationship.

 

However, dealing with a breakup is far easier than just making efforts to get back without counting the cost. Handling a breakup and life after breakup could be painful but the desire to avoid the pain should not be the reason why you choose to stay in the relationship or get back into it.

 

You have to examine these things and find a way to keep emotions aside to properly check your motives for wanting to get back into the relationship. If you don’t intend to get back into the relationship because of the love you have for that person and the future you see together, it is going to be difficult to make it through even if you get back into the relationship. The same things that led to the breakup will simply repeat themselves and you will be hurt over and over again.

 

 

Ask For forgiveness

 

Getting over a breakup and reestablishing a broken relationship takes humility. You may have to humble yourself and be the one who goes after the other person to rearrange things. Most times, whether or not you are at the wrong is not a necessary factor. What matters is whether or not you have the heart to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. To get back into a relationship after a breakup, you must touch your partner’s heart by doing what he or she would least expect from you. Anybody can stay away and play the hate game and it does not help you get back the relationship you are still interested in. Reach out beyond yourself and touch the other person’s heart. That is how you breakdown whatever walls may have set you two apart from each other.

 

Keep in contact

 

Believe it or not, you can fall in love with almost anyone if you keep close communication with him or her over an extended period of time. Communication is a powerful thing especially when emotions are involved. Communication is one thing that quickly and effectively knits the hearts of people together, especially those of the opposite sex who have even the slightest inclination to each other. Even if just one person is making the effort and the other person seems obnoxious, it is just a matter of time until he or she gives in and lets their heart open again for you. Also, life after a breakup will seem easier if you keep in contact with each other.

 

Getting back into full communication with someone you have just broken up with may not be easy. But all you need to do for a start is give that person the impression that you still care and are still available to build your lives together again. If he or she still has interest in you, they will give in after a while. If not, just let it go and keep your cool.

 

Be available if he or she ever needs you

 

One of the easiest ways to win someone’s heart and get them to fall in love with you again is to be there for them in their time of need. You don’t have to push yourself on him or her. Just be available to help him go through those moments of pain and confusion people sometimes face. Depending on the state of your relationship with each other, you could pay them a visit or maybe just call and show that you care and are willing to help them out if they need you.

 

Deal with the issues that plague your relationship

 

Sometimes it is very easy to get your ex back. Some people will be surprised at how fast they will be in the relationship with the same person they broke up with just some days back as they apply these tips. But don’t be fooled. The real thing is in dealing with the issues that plague your relationship before even making the effort to get get back into the relationship with the person you broke up with. If you don’t do this, you can as well get prepared for the heart ache that comes a few days after you win him or her back.

 

If he broke up with you, then give him space

 

Dealing with a breakup means you have to first heal and that means keeping your distance from your ex for a while. I know! This is contrary to some things I have mentioned already, but you have to get the point. Unless you did something really wrong, your ex may have just taken you or the relationship for granted in his decision to break up with you. Making efforts to get him back without knowing for sure that he wants you back will only cause a lot of pain and confusion of emotions. If she/he broke up with you, then give him or her the chance to miss you again and make an attempt to win back your heart.

 

It is a two way thing but you have to judge right in order to make the right decisions. Give your partner the chance to reevaluate the relationship and realize your worth as you do the same so you can both make the right decisions to get back together again. Sometimes, breakups come to let couples know how much they mean to each other and how much they have been taking each other for granted. If someone breaks up with you and does not make any effort to get you back, then let it be. It is probable that you were not even right for each other in the first place.

 

 

If you don’t want the relationship back

 

For one reason or the other, you may not want a relationship back after a breakup. But that is just a wish. You must know how to make it a reality. First, you have to be conscious of the fact that your ex may really want you back. And your emotions too may want him or her back while your head is telling you forgetting about that relationship once and for all is the right thing to do. All these have the potential of making life after breakup challenging. Even when you breakup with someone who may have really hurt you terribly, it is painful and has to be handled with caution. So here are a few tips to help in dealing with a break up situation where you don’t want to reconnect with your ex.

 

 

Don’t Contact Him or her again

 

Keeping communication with someone you once had feelings for is a great way to stir up those feelings again and this will make handling a breakup two times more difficult than it should be. Once you begin to stir up the feelings you had for your ex, your decisions to not get back into a relationship with him will begin to waver and if care is not taken you are going to act against your better judgment. If he or she is not over you yet, it may be difficult on their part to just let go. But you don’t have to let that break your resolve to stay out of a relationship with them. Unless your ex contacts you for something serious, don’t reply their text messages or calls. If he or she has something important to discuss with you, make sure you keep the discussion purely formal and avoid getting into talks about your relationship or anything that may drive you back to it.

 

Don’t accept invitations from your ex

 

It is probable that your ex will invite you for a meeting with him or her. It could even be something like a funeral or official celebration. There is no need to get sentimental about the whole thing. Take a decision and be sure to stand on it. You could attend something like a funeral but avoid talking with your ex or hanging out with them for the sake of consolation. It is very important to keep away from each other at such a time because it helps you muster strength to deal with the blow of a breakup and heal emotionally and mentally. You also have the opportunity to look back at the whole thing and carefully consider what went wrong as you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the opportunities that lie ahead.

 

Be very blunt (but polite) whenever he or she brings up the issue of reconnecting with each other

 

Unless your ex has also made up his or her mind to breakup the relationship, you will have to expect him to at least try getting you back. It is important to consistently stay firm on your stand to maintain the breakup. Even if your ex does not really want the relationship back again, he or she may just miss you two being together and want to soothe the pain that comes with a breakup. If you are not firm on your stand to move on, you may find yourself developing feelings for him or her again and eventually you will be back in the relationship, whether or not it was your intention to. Emotions are very cunning and usually intoxicating. When your emotions begin to take a hold on you, you will only find yourself in a position you never thought you will be in.

Delete information or anything that reminds you about him or her

 

Memories are sometimes very dear and they can make getting over a breakup very difficult. Even memories of people we may have broken up with and have decided to stay away from. If you were in a relationship with someone, you should have messages, call records, pictures or even videos that remind you of the time you both spent together. All these things will only make handling a breakup more difficult. These reminders will not permit you to move on because every time you see them, you will be emotionally stirred up by a desire to get back into the relationship you once had or probably into another. Also avoid going to places where you may meet him. Sometimes, we want to fool ourselves that such meetings or bumping into each other are incidental meanwhile you planned it all the while. You may also intend to make your ex jealous and feel the pain of letting you go, but it is wise not to do it. Most people who make such decisions only find themselves caught up in a state of emotional hurt when their ex does not respond the way they may have expected. In other cases, those who make the attempt to cause jealousy and pain only fall in love with them again and are hurt all the more.

A break up is definitely not a death sentence. It is possible to recover from one and move on or get back your ex if you are still interested in the relationship. All it takes is a firm decision and the dedication to stand on that decision. Whether you are getting over a breakup with the the intention of reestablishing the relationship you had with your ex or you are simply dealing with a breakup so that you can move on, it is important to first weigh your decisions carefully and then take the necessary moves you need to take.

 

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