There are so many ways that shyness or the inability to openly relate with people can keep you from great opportunities in life. Being shy is usually related to anxiety, especially when the person is around people. Anyone with a timid personality will find it difficult relating to people and situations that matter. So many situations present themselves in which we have to relate with people. Communication is a vital part of our social connection to each other and when a person finds it difficult communicating for one reason or the other, their relationship with people at all levels will seriously be hampered. It could be the reason why you loose a job or disconnect from true friends and people who should have made positive impact in your life.
People experience shyness for several reasons. For some of them, it is simply some trait they were born with. For as long as they can remember, these people will tell you that they have always been the type who holds back and even avoids situations where he or she has to relate with people. Others pick it up as they grow up as a result of their experiences with family or society. The good thing is, it doesn’t matter how or for what reason you are shy, it can actually be dealt with by knowing and applying the tips discussed here. Overcoming shyness and social anxiety is an absolute possibility, especially for those who are willing to put in the effort. But i think it will be easier if you first figure out why you are shy. That way, you know exactly what will work for you as far as defeating fear is concerned. Overcoming shyness and social anxiety could seem like a mystery to some people if they do not first understand the reasons why they are shy.
Causes or reasons
Poor self image. Most people rate or value themselves too low. It could be as a result of failures in the past or because they are usually surrounded by people who are better off in one aspect of life or the other. As a matter of fact, most people who are shy have a poor perception of themselves in one area of life or the other.
Too concerned about impressing others. A poor self image usually leads to a desire to please others or meet up to the perceived expectations of others. Then because your image of yourself is poor, it becomes difficult for you actually impress people.
People say you are shy. You may be shy and not care much about it until people begin to say it to you and other people or even call you a shy person. This gives you the feeling of being part of an abnormal class of people and affects the way you feel about yourself and your attitude towards relating with people.
Never claim it or recite the problem to yourself
The fact that you feel shy is enough problem to handle already. Saying it to yourself or giving in to self pity will only make you feel worse and compel you recoil further into your shell. One other things you should keep in mind is the fact that being shy is more of a state of your own mind and perception of yourself than an actual character trait. This simply means that it is not actually one of those things you can or should consider as an actual part of your personality.
You should also note that refusing to accept the attribute of being shy as a personal problem is not the same thing as denial. You know that it is something you have to deal with but at the same time, you are aware of the fact that there is a difference between having a feeling of uneasiness around people and probably hating the idea of being around people.
Don’t make being like others your aim
If you are looking forward to overcoming timidity and breaking away from a timid personality, you cannot afford to compare with people. We are all unique in our ways of dealing with people. Some people are extreme extroverts. They cannot get into a place and be quite for a few minutes. Others are extreme introverts and no matter what is going on around them, they usually seem oblivious and unconcerned. Still there are people who are kind of in the middle. These people simply know when to talk and engage in discussions or when to be quite in the midst of people. As far as being introverted and extroverted is concerned, people have different tendencies. The point is, don’t look at some other person and wish to be like him or her. Doing that will make overcoming shyness and social anxiety seem even more mysterious to you. That is more of an unrealistic dream that may never come to pass. Just learn to work on yourself and make use of the other tips herein to be more open to relating with people.
Be well informed on general issues or trending subjects
For some reason, knowledge at various degrees give you certain levels of confidence and boldness that has the power to actually swallow up your shyness bit by bit until you finally conquer it completely. This is so because shy people are basically scared of the unknown. All their inner issues that lead to a physical withdrawal from people and social interactions are the result of fear of one unknown factor or the other. It could be an uncertainty with regards to the way people are going to react when you get into discussions or the uncertainty of your own value and how much of it people are going to appreciate. But all these have an even deeper root. Lack of knowledge.
If you know how people think and are versed with the things they talk about most of the time, you will be more open to any reaction you could get from them in the course of a discussion or interaction with such people. The issue of knowledge mostly relates to people who are predominantly shy when in office or corporate settings. There are two main reasons why one could be shy under such situations. The first is because he or she knows little about the real issues that are discussed around the office or the person knows a lot but is afraid of how people are going to receive his suggestions and contributions during meetings and working hours. Whatever the case, you simply have to make sure you are well informed and when that is done, make a practice of putting forward your ideas regardless of the opinions or perceptions of others about it. Being well informed in these domains is vital to overcoming shyness and social anxiety or overcoming timidity.
Make up your mind to get over it and be in control
Knowing that you have a problem is one thing but making up your mind to face the issue and deal with it is another thing altogether. It does not really matter what you know, without the decision to break your own limitations and face the issue of timidity, it will be really difficult for you to apply the tips that are given here. Understand that until you have completely overcome shyness, every time you have to relate with people may seem like a challenge and you may sometimes just want to run back into your shell or comfort zone. Before leaving the house everyday, make up your mind to be in control. That way, you will find it easier overcoming shyness and social anxiety or overcoming timidity. If it helps you, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you are going to stand up to the occasions that come. It is important to prepare your mind in this way because if you keep allowing situations to come up before deciding how you are going to react, it will be difficult for you to deal with them. When your mind is fully prepared to handle a situation, it is easier for you to follow through with actions. But if things always take you by surprise, you can hardly be able to defeat them because what willprevail will often be the default reaction which is what you are trying to defeat, shyness.
Deciding how you are going to react
There is a difference between deciding that you are going to face a situation head on and actually deciding beforehand what you are going to do or how you are going to react around people. Fear and anxiety trigger withdrawal subconsciously and automatically and these in turn are responsible for developing a timid personality. Deciding on how you are going to handle these attributes is part of overcoming timidity. That means when you face situations that trigger shyness without haven made up your mind concerning the kind of action or reaction you are going to take, it will be difficult for you to really deal with situations. In the face of situations that trigger shyness, you can either silently observe, participate in one way or the other or simply withdraw from the scene all together. If you have to be around people and you are not feel comfortable, don’t just tell yourself that you are going to do something about. Decide exactly what you are going to do.
Note that just deciding to go to a place where other people are going to be present is one step of defeating shyness. But if you go without first figuring out exactly what you are going to do in probable situations, it may cause more harm at the end of the day. That is because every episode of shyness and withdrawal you face could weaken your resolve and desire to face and conquer the next challenge that comes up.
On a daily bases, we all face different situations in life and depending on how much you are shy, some activities could be easy for you to engage in while other may seem like the most difficult thing you have had to do in a long while. Those who work with companies or on jobs that demand a lot of interaction or presentations have to be prepared for each activity that entails interacting with people. If you are going to have a presentation tomorrow, take out time to prepare for it. Don’t let the issue of being shy limit you to a corner and keep you from putting in your best at work or other events. Even if you are just going to be in the midst of people without actually making presentations, you can make some preparations that help you use that event as an opportunity to deal with your shyness. For example, if there is going to be a meeting for the workers at your company, you can prepare a question or two which you are going to ask during the meeting or decide to make one or two contributions. Since you will normally have the agenda of the meeting before time, this can be very possible. If you can discipline yourself to follow through on decisions like this, it will not be long before you become very comfortable talking to people and interacting openly and freely with others.
Mind you, when you first begin to practice this, many people who have known you as a shy and reserved person will be surprised. Depending on how reserved or shy you use to be, their reactions could range from appreciation to overwhelming perplexity. But no matter what initial reaction you get when you decide to deal with shyness in this way, don’t be discouraged. When people have a particular idea about you based on their interactions with you in the past, you cannot expect them to ignore it when you change. No matter what happens or how they react, you must be prepared to keep your resolve to go on until you have fully overcome shyness.
Be careful who you bring into your inner circle
The closest people to you are the ones who can influence you the most. This also implies that it could either be very easy or difficult to deal with shyness depending on the type of people who are around you. Lets say you have close friends who either always challenge or tease you about being shy. They may mean well, but that is not going to help unless you have a strong attitude to withstand the pressure. However, if you have even just a friend who understands your situation and is willing to help you deal with it, it is going to seem very easy and natural to let go of shyness. He or she may seem to push you beyond your limits but one thing will make all the difference; the fact that the person does so with love. It is going to be more of encouraging you to come out of your shell and be the best you can than challenging you to be like other people.
If you can help it, avoid people who tease
In the same light, avoid people who take advantage of your challenge with shyness and make you feel bad about yourself by teasing. People can be mean and sometimes they will not mind how you feel as long as making you look awkward seem like fun to them. Life is not fair, get over it and be tough on the inside. Make the effort to avoid such people if you can and face them if you cannot. Many of them will be shocked if you can just make up your mind, muster the courage to suppress shyness under such circumstances and stand strong.
Don’t take individual episodes too seriously
Every experience you have while dealing with shyness must be regarded as an individual episode and left to the past. This is because one will find it hard to move on if he or she keeps looking back at what happened in the past. When you first decide to deal with shyness, there are going to be times when you fail in your attempts. These could give you reasons to either be more determined or discouraged. The best thing you can do to help yourself is to take each episode as an individual opportunity and handle it independent of what has happened in the past. I am not in any way suggesting that this is going to be easy. Most things that are worth while in life are not easy. That is why very few people push beyond their limits and become better versions of themselves. There is a target or expectation of the kind of person you want to be, that is one who is open and ready to interact with people, no matter the situation. Forget what may have happened before, look to that goal alone and reach towards it with determination.
Get involved in social media group chats
Despite the addictive tendencies of social media usage, this is one advantage it holds, at least for those who have issues with shyness and look forward to overcoming timidity. From our daily interactions on social media, it is clear that many people say things in social media groups and platforms which they could never say in person. Now if this is done with the consciousness and intention of defeating shyness, one can actually overcome it. You will bear with me that even those who are shy in person would usually engage in social media discussions, especially on things or subjects that concern them. Since most of the people you will be chatting with in such a setting are people you know or are familiar with, it already builds their minds and prepares them to see a different version of you in reality.
Usually, when I get to a new place, like a school or neighborhood, people will think I am shy and reserved. But that is not the case. It just takes time for me to get use to some people and be open with them sometimes. When I got into the university for a Bachelors program, some of my classmates knew me to be the shy type until a WhatsApp group was created and I engaged in discussions with them. Some of them even confessed that they never imagined I could express myself so openly. It made me think “oh, wow, that means its time for me to open up”. I would like to say that singular episode not only encouraged me to be more open with my classmates but it also helped me to talk with them more freely in person. I believe the same thing can work for you too if you would only put it to work. You can get rid of a timid personality by making a conscious and purposeful commitment to social media group chats.
Be committed to the practice of meeting and talking to people
Commitment is a big word and those who want to defeat shyness must learn the importance of being committed to something. Being committed to meeting people means you will have to make up your mind to do so even when you don’t feel like it. This will help anyone deal with a timid personality. If you are invited for a party and you don’t feel like going because you are not sure how well you are going to connect with the people there, you still have to go and practice relating with people because of the commitment you have to it.
It makes a lot of difference when one who used to be shy and withdrawn from people and social settings becomes free from the limiting traits of shyness. There are many more opportunities you can grasp and take advantage of when you deal with timidity and become a man or women who is bold and confident when dealing with people.