These days it is very easy to be in contact with so many people that it becomes a challenge to know exactly who your real friends are. The signs of a fake friend are not as easy to recognize as one may want to think. Apart from the fact that social media and the Internet gives people the illusion of having relationships with each other and being together, many people do not understand that there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. You must come to the place where you know for yourself who your friends are and be able to tell them apart from those who are only acquaintances. If you fail to do this, you may be seriously hurt in the future or worse still you may seriously hurt someone who should have meant the world to you. Sometimes, the matter of friendship does not seem as important as it should until one is faced with adversity.
Like someone has rightly said, in good times, our friends know us but in adversity we know our friends. Troubles have a way of making a right demarcation between those who should be by your side and those you should keep aside. Knowing the difference between having fake friends and real friends could make a lot of impact on one’s life. The race of life is too important to loose simply because you are insistent on keeping people who are nothing but worthless weight to carry around. When you recognize them, dealing with fake people may be difficult. Sometimes it will require completely cutting people out of your life and that could be painful. It is not about being harsh or hateful, it is wisdom to know that not everyone who comes in contact with you can or should be your friend. Your ability to rightly discern between true friends and fake ones could make the difference between failure and success, pain and joy as well as satisfaction or regret. Here are a few observations you should be conscious of to help you decide whether or not you are hanging around the right people.
Fake friends hardly know what your life is all about
One way you can tell that someone is a fake friend is if he or she is always hanging around you but can hardly tell what your life is about. Someone who cannot tell what your interests and aspirations are is probably not even interested in you. This is sometimes the difference between having fake friends and real friends. You could give a person the benefit of doubt if you have known each other for a few weeks or so. However, when someone is completely ignorant of the kind of person you are even after months, it is one of the signs of a fake friendship. Real friends can tell just after a few days what your life is about and especially the things that inspire you. They will know your aspirations, temperaments, preferences and other things which will require that one pays attention to know. It takes some level of interest and attention to know a person to certain extents. Fake friends are usually neither interested in your personality or able to pay attention to you. To such people, every thing about you is only passively considered.
Fair weather syndrome
This is one of the most commonly known signs of a fake friend. In your times of distress you can hardly find them around. At the same time, it is difficult to have them out of your sight for more than a few hours or days when things are moving fine with you. The fair whether syndrome works like a principle. When a person is only connected to the good things or conditions that surround your life, he or she will always want to stay close as long as those things or situations are favorable. As soon as a rainy day comes, they just can’t help but walk out of your life. Usually it is not like they plan to this. The simple fact is that such people don’t have it in them to stay if things get rough. That commitment and loyalty that comes with true friendship is absent and no matter how much you will wish that such people will stay around you, they simply cant do so. As a matter of fact, we should be thankful that God put such principles in place.
Though it may be painful to find that someone who use to be close to you when things were going on well suddenly disappear when situations deteriorate, you must also understand that it would have been more painful if you considered this person and held him or her too close to heart only to be disappointed. The pain you may feel in realizing that someone is not a true friend by being conscious of the fair weather syndrome is nothing compared to how hurtful it would have been if you had gone on trusting in someone who will simply disappoint. Dealing with fake people is not very easy when you can’t tell the difference. One way to tell the difference is to watch how people react during the different seasons of your life. After a while you may realize that cutting people out of your life is necessary after all
It matters nothing what stage or season of life you are experiencing. True friends will always show up and stand by you. You may not be able to tell what having fake friends and real friends means until you are faced with bad times.
Another one of the many signs of a fake friend is refusal to give a helping hand in the face of a crises. Sometimes, even those who are only acquaintances could be willing to stand by you in your time of trouble. However, their commitment to better the situation or help you out at such times it either proof of true friendship or outright pretense. A false friend will be aware of your plight, have the means to help you some out of it but hold back from offering help. If you realize that a certain person always comes to you in times of distress with only words of consolation when he or she has the means to help, that person is not a friend. True friends can simply not withhold help when you need it and they have the means to help. If a person has an imperfect heart towards you, it will manifest in his or her refusal or reluctance to give a helping hand. How can you call someone a friend whom you always have to run after and beg for long before obtaining help. Such things should clearly tell you the type of person you are dealing with and should help you guard against deceptions and future pains.
Little or no show of concern
Every true friendship is a relationship. The quality of that relationship usually make the difference between having fake friends and real friends. The relationship will not exist or thrive if there is little or no show of concern on either part. Fake friends are usually the ones you have to contact all the time while they reluctantly reply. You may visit someone very often who hardly calls or shows up at your door steps. The lack of care or concern is usually a clear sign that one is dealing with a fake friend. don’t be deceived by regular excuses. It is common to hear those who should be your close friends complain about being too busy. Sometimes they may not even respond to your calls or text messages on time. I am not talking about a situation where you choose to contact someone during work hours.
The issue of time is an excuse people throw around these days as though it should simply be embraced and welcomed when mentioned.
If someone’s excuse for not being able to show care and concern for you is the lack of time or a busy schedule, it simply means you are not a priority to him or her. There is no need beating around the bush. If your cherish something, you will make out time for it. The reason why fake friends don;t have time for you is that other things or people are simply more important to them. It is stupid to expect much from such people. All you are ever going to get is regrets. Closely consider those who are willing to show care and concern and mark them as your real friends. People who show concern without occasion are usually very genuine. For example, if you have someone who only checks up on you when he or she hears that you have fallen into some sort of trouble or the other, that person is hardly a true friend. Showing care is not a matter or convenience, neither is it limited to certain seasons in one’s life. When someone shows up only in the midst of trouble, the show of concern may feel like pretense and usually it is.
Rarely making any sacrifices
For the most part, life is about sacrifices and the degree of sacrifice a person can make for another often tells of his or her level of commitment and love. Sacrifice in itself is the most powerful attribute of love. Too many people throw the phrase “i love you” around these days without the slightest understanding of what love is about. Love is not a feeling. It’s a decision and usually that decision translate to making sacrifices for each other.
True friends are those who can and are willing to sacrifice money, time and other resources to help you. Usually the degree to which one can make sacrifices for you reveals the depth of their love and extent of their commitment to true friendship.
Will drop you if things get better for them
One of the signs of a fake friend is the inability to hold on to you when things turn positive for him or her. Sometimes, the best way to know a fake friend is to watch his or her reaction towards you when things get better for him or her. People can hold on to you, pretend to be loving and loyal as long as they need you in one way or the other. They could even sacrifice time to be with you because at the time, that time has little or no value for them. Lets say you have a friend who has no job and he or she is always showing up at your house to visit, always available when you need help and doing all the good stuff that are prove of loyalty and commitment to true friendship. It may just be because he or she has nothing better to do with his time. Sacrifice is judged on the basis of the value of what is sacrificed, not just the act. With a friend like the one just described, you will only be able to prove his or her loyalty when things get better for him. When he gets a job for example, will he still be willing to make out time to visit, or is the issue of time going to be a problem. Cutting people out of your life could be
Those who drop you when things get fine for them were not your friends in the first place. Success has a way of revealing a man’s true attitudes and character. People can hide behind a fake mask until they eventually move to another level. Then you realize that class distinction has always been an issue for them though it could not manifest because it lacked opportunity.
Ceases communication when distant
You can call some of those around you “Proximity friends” and you will be right. These are people who can only be committed to friendship when they are physically close to you. If for one reason or the other they move a considerable distance away, they cease communication and immediately make new friends. If a person is truly your friend, it does not matter how far apart you are from each other. You just won’t stay out of contact with each other. The bond of friendship should be strong enough to withstand the strain of distance. It may be challenging to keep communication when a friend travels but if he or she is not able to do it, then he was not a real friend to begin with.
Fake friends are usually close to you conditionally. It is either they are there because of something you have or something you can do for them. Bottom line is, there are conditions attached to the friendship and when or if you don’t meet those conditions, your relationship or friendship is strained. For example, a fake friend may get offended if you won’t do one thing or the other for them. They would only do something for you if there is a perceived reward attached to it. This conditional commitment means that when you fail on your part, the friendship is either strained or ended altogether. There is no need to carry such burden around. If you have a true friend, you should not seem feel pressured to act or do anything you are not really willing to.
Ashamed of associating with you in certain circumstances
Sometimes you could have a friend who is close to people of higher social status. If he or she feels embarrassed relating with you when such people are around, then he is surely a fake friend. True friends will not be in anyway embarrassed by your status when around other people who are of higher social standing. When you get to a party or gathering with different classes of people, how does he or she introduce you to others? Would he rather spend the time with you or does he usually prefer to leave you to yourself and head off to meet those who seem be “more valuable than you”? If someone cannot be proud of you without a social status, it is prove that what he or she is really after is status, not character or personality.
Find it hard to get over disagreements
Like in every other relationship between men, there are going to be disagreements. You cannot always have the same opinions or see things the same way. It is also a sign of maturity to sometimes hold on to your opinion on certain issues. At the same time the issue of disagreeing with someone can help you know whether or not you have a true friend. When someone finds it hard to get over disagreements your relationship with him or her may not be true friendship. The ability to disagree without finding faults or taking offense is a sign of trust and commitment and maturity. People who will either have things go their way or risk the relationship are not true friends because they do not even understand what true friendship is all about. If someone will not relate with after a disagreement, it is either he or she is not a true friend or your friendship has not grown beyond a certain level of intimacy and maturity.
Fake friends are usually overly possessive. They may always want to have some form of control over you or the other. Always desiring to have you bend to their decisions and perceptions. They may not even be happy or comfortable seeing you around other people. It is one of the signs of a fake friend and should serve as a warning to of impending danger or disappointment if you are not careful. When you find that someone who should be your friend always wants to be in control or have the final say, it is a sign of possessiveness and should be avoided or dealt with.
How to deal with such friends
It may be really confusing what to do next when you realize traits or signs of fake friendship in a person. Dealing with fake people should not be a mystery especially if you are sure that they are part of the fake bunch. Here are a few thing you can do with fake friends.
Face the person with your observations
it may be a very unusual thing to consider but most times, unusual actions yield the best result. If you are bold enough, talk to the person and tell him or her what you have observed about them. Chances are he or she will be very embarrassed but at the same time, if there is even the slightest value for your friendship in his or her heart, she will be committed to making changes for the better. There is no need ignoring a person or simply pushing him or her away without letting the person know the reasons for your actions.
Encourage him or her to act right
It is dignity to point out a person’s wrong and let him or her know that you want things to be made right. Dealing with fake people may not always be about cutting people out of your life. One way you can do this is by encouraging the person to make a change. Of course, this will only work if he or she is willing to be really be friends.
Cut off from fake friends
when you cannot find a better way of dealing with fake people, it is time to consider cutting people out of your life. Not everyone must be your friend. If for any reason someone is not willing to be a true friend, don’t keep him or her too close. It is only going to hurt you. I started by pointing out that there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. Having fake friends and real friends could sometimes bring confusion when important decisions have to be made.