Being in a relationship with someone is fun. When you love and respect each other, a relationship could feel like one of the best things that could ever happen to you. We all want to love and be loved, especially by someone of the opposite sex. It means having more than a friend, someone you share some details of your life which others may not be qualified to hear. Someone you can trust and build your life with hoping to even spend the rest of your days with in a union called marriage. That anticipation of getting married to the one you love so much is something many people are obsessed with.
Sadly, relationships are not always the way we want them to be. Things go out of hand and sometimes they get so bad that it all leaves you wondering if you are in the right relationship or if it is headed anywhere at all. No matter how wonderful the feelings you have for each other may have been, relationships sometimes come under the threat of a breakup. At this point, the signs of a failing relationship should be obvious, but they hardly are. Things just aren’t headed anywhere anymore. Then we may begin to have experiences that should actually be signs to end a relationship.
Someone may wonder if it shouldn’t be clear when a relationship is stuck or why people have to be told whether or not their relationships are headed nowhere.
You may suppose that it should all be clear enough for both partners to know. Ironically, the feeling of being in love and wanting things to work out as one has always dreamed they would blinds people to the signs of a failing relationship. More so, knowing when to quit a relationship is not as easy as one may want to think it is. It is also quite easy to be stuck in a relationship going nowhere and not really be conscious of it because one fears breaking the relationship and loosing the other person. So here are a few ways you can tell that a relationship is headed nowhere and how you can fix things. Ending your relationship may be an option but it is always better to try fixing things rather than simply giving up.
You feel trapped in the relationship
Relationships should normally be exciting and full of fun. They should hold a lot of hope and anticipation for the future, inspired by the desire to always spend time together, sharing wonderful moments with each other. That is the normal way it is supposed to be. In any case, challenges sometimes come up and the excitement seems to fade. While the differences and challenges may not be enough reasons for ending your relationship, a time comes when things go beyond just having arguments or having a fight. Maybe you are not having as many problems with your relationship as your best friends. You may even look at the neighbor next door and come to a conclusion that your relationship is far better than those of the people around you.
However it is sometimes not necessarily about how often you argue or have disagreements with each other. What matters is what you do about those disagreements. If you feel so tired and worn out by the way the relationship is going, so much so that being in the relationship feels like you are held in some form of trap, then your relationship has definitely gotten to a dead end. It may just be one of the signs to end a relationship. Such a feeling will hardly exist if you are still committed to each other and doing your part to see that things work out after all the struggles. The fact that you feel traped is enough to testify of an inner desire to quit or maybe just a sign that you should. You may even consider ending your relationship if the feeling of frustration seems to great to handle. However, you can make a difference by making an effort to resolve the issue.
One of you desires to have an affair or just have another relationship
One may miss it when that feeling of being trapped sets in. In a relationship, we most often subconsciously ignore reasoning and good judgment in favor of our feelings. Nature, however has a way of sometimes pointing us to the right direction, howbeit so subtly that one may not even be aware of what is actually happening and especially why it is happening.
At the time when you begin feeling trapped, a strong resolve to make things work could keep you from considering quiting. But one sign you are stuck in a relationship going nowhere is a desire to be with another person which is often manifest in actually looking out for that person. Flirting sets and now you are seriously considering other guys though there may be no mutual feelings between yourself and any of them at the time. Looking out for another partner is probably one of the clearest signs of a failing relationship. Of course those who have little resolve in something or are too weak to take serious decisions that could turn things around in a relationship can sometimes look else where though the relationship they are in really has nothing troublesome going on. It may just be a temptation to cheat. If you feel stuck in a relationship going nowhere, considering seeing some other person has to be more than just a desire or temptation. It should be a consideration born out of what the relationship is already going through.
There are no ambitions or future aspirations shared
Relationships are very much like projects. They are started for a purpose or for different reasons. Then there are other goals you look forward to achieving that must be picked up along the way. It could be a decision to start a business or do something profitable together, visiting a place or meeting each other’s family members. Talking about the number of kids you want to have when you get married, the kind of house you would love to live in, marriage and other such things. Couples in serious relationships usually talk about such things and really look forward to them with a lot of expectations and excitement.
Surely you can recall when your relationship started out and your thoughts about your partner were obsessive in nature. Then you remember that at that time, you were so connected to your partner and the prospects for the future were so interesting. You can say those aspirations and expectations for the future added a great deal of passion to the relationship and they were indeed part of the reasons why you loved your partner even more deeply. Your future together seemed so clear and so bright. Now things have really changed and probably you don’t see the least prospects that any of those things will work out. Since you both seem to have grown apart and the passion seems to be fading, you are not very sure now if those things could even still come to pass. There are no discussions made about the future any more, talk less of planning in preparation. These are signs of a failing relationship and you should be keen enough to realize them and strong enough to face what is happening. Ending your relationship may be the logical thing to consider, but you must consider making amends before quitting.
Little or no care shown or demonstrated
Care is one of the vital signs of a lively relationship. The continuity and commitment of both parties to caring for each other shows that the relationship is making progress and there is a future in sight. There are several ways of demonstrating or showing that partners genuinely care for each other. One of them is effective regular communication. Communicating is caring. Checking on one’s partner often keeps him or her conscious of the relationship and makes them react or act in pleasant ways. You will be surprised how cold things could get simply because one partner or the other no longer communicates as often as he or she use to do.
Another way people in relationships show care for each other is by spending time together. The bond of love can hardly grow stronger if there is strained communication or worse still if you guys can’t spend time with each other anymore. Beyond sharing moments or spending time together is sharing gifts and making other little sacrifices that demonstrate one’s devotion and love for the other.
If you begin to notice that these things are no longer demonstrated in the relationship it may just be a sign to end the relationship. People often have to go through a lot of pain before recovering themselves and moving on because they could not read the signs of a failing relationship on time to make the necessary changes or take the right action. It is better to know when to quit a relationship and do it than hold on for much longer only to suddenly realize yourself in a breakup with so much pain and brokenness of heart.
Feelings seem to be fading
When feelings begin to fade, it is common to hear people say things like “we don’t love each other anymore. But making that statement is not the same thing as actually ending your relationship. While in a relationship, feelings and emotions should be at their pick. Usually, people in dating relationships will hardly be able to understand or explain what happens to them. One finds himself or herself obsessively thinking about the other person, always willing to make sacrifices that are sometimes even unreasonable just to demonstrate how strong and genuine their love for each other is. When you meet, you hardly want to separate. When you chat over the phone, you are simply oblivious to the passing of time. Normally if you chat, say on text at night, you simply want to go on until morning. Though that excitement has the potential of making one less productive in other areas, it is very vital for the continuance of any love relationship. Without it, there would really be very little to keep you both together, especially since you are not married yet.
If the relationship goes on for longer than three years, you guys may start realizing some shifts and changes in emotional commitment. But normally, you will both put in your best to work on it. In marriage however, people usually recover from the emotional high they were feeling and come the reality of loving each other by a decision. The point is, if you have come to a place where emotions are seriously fading off and the relationship is nowhere near marriage yet, you should be able to tell that the relationship is actually headed nowhere in particular. It is indeed a dead end relationship and you have to start considering what to do about it before you suddenly find yourself in the midst of a break up.
The thought of marrying the other person brings anxiety
Some time ago, when you got into the relationship, you can remember being extremely fascinated with the thought of marrying your partner and living together happily ever after. That joyful anticipation of getting married to the other person added so much fun and excitement to the whole thing. Ladies especially will tell you what it feels like, just imagining getting married to the one they love. It’s a dream they can’t wait to come true. It not only proves that there is a glorious possibility of spending time with each other, it also shows that the relationship has a future and is moving towards it.
On the other hand, it is abnormal and a call for concern when one feels anxious or obnoxious about getting married to the one they love. If the thought of getting married to the other person comes with a lot of uncertainty, then it may be a sign that there are no real prospects of marriage in the relationship, or that things will not work out well if you both decide to get married. At the point of dating, nothing should be more exciting than the thought of getting married to the one you love. You therefore need to consider it a very serious matter if that feeling of excitement is absent, worse still when the thought of getting married brings fear or anxiety. It may just be a clear sign that you are stuck in a relationship going nowhere.
One or both of you are looking for relationship advice
Now this is prove that the relationship is actually at the verge of a breakup and you should be conscious of it. Looking for relationship advice should be clear to you that something is definitely wrong. Ironically, people who sometimes go looking for relationship advice are not conscious of the fact that the relationship is at a dead end. They may do so in order to know what to do to fix the relationship. The sad thing is, some relationships that are at a dead end should not be fixed. They should be ended. It is one situation that tells you when to end a relationship. It may sound very harsh, especially for people who are going through it and are hoping things may work out. But come to think of this, which will you rather have, a broken dating relationship or a broken marriage? Of course a broken dating relationship though emotionally painful is far less painful than having to deal with a broken marriage. The fact that you have come to a place where dating advice to fix a relationship problem is necessary may be a subtle sign of incompatibility or even one of the signs to end a relationship. It will take some degree of clear thinking to judge right but you have to think straight and know if you are just trying to ignore the signs to end a relationship or you really want things to work out.
Its hard to get the other person’s attention
Attention is even more vital than communication in a relationship because it determines the effectiveness of communication. It may be difficult getting each others attention when you have a very busy schedule or when there is some unresolved issue in the relationship. When the lack of attention for each other spans from a few days to over a week, you may just have a serious problem that needs to be resolved. If the lack of attention should go for more than a couple of weeks, then that’s a sign that you are stuck in a relationship going nowhere. You can therefore know whether or not your relationship is making any progress by watching the level of attention and commitment you are making to each other.
While it is very possible to fix any kind of situation in a relationship and have things work out, sometimes, it is better to simply quit. Some of these signs of dead end relationships are also serious pointers to incompatibility issues. As such, though you may know just what to do to fix the situation, you may simply need to quit to spare yourself some degree of pain in the future. However, those who really want to fix issues should consider taking the following measure, lest they make things worse than they are.
How to fix it
Talk about the situation with your partner
When it comes to solving the problem of a dead end relationship, there are very few things as important as talking to your partner about what you have noticed. Chances are, he or she may have actually considered the same thing but maybe did not know how to bring it up. Relationships are very fragile and over time a lot of things can actually go unnoticed. Things which have the potential of destroying a relationship if not put in check. Talking to your partner about the areas where things have been going wrong is a great way of resolving the issue and making things work out. You may be certain that something is wrong but not know exactly what it is and until you are sure what the problem is, it will be difficult to talk about it or even solve it. More so, talking over the issues that plague your relationship with your partner is one thing that builds and strengthens the bond of intimacy even more.
Be Open to accepting faults
It may make things worse to talk to your partner about the issues that plague your relationship if you are not open to accepting if you have been wrong. It will only lead to arguments, wounding the relationship even deeper than before. Sometimes, it is wise to accept mistakes or take the blame even when you certainly know that whatever may have happened is not your fault.
If you are looking for when to quit a relationship, you will simply have to follow the signs above, however, like has been mentioned earlier, knowing when to quit a relationship is not the same as actually quiting. It is better to carefully consider your options before deciding to quite. It may be more painful than you actually thought. Worse still you may only realize after breaking up that it was the wrong choice to make.