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Girls Talk; Knowing if HE is Right for you

By Chantal

Finding the right man to marry is difficult! This seems to be the conclusion almost every lady looking for a partner has come to lately. When you find some sweet looking guy and the fire of passion is ignited, you fall in love with that person. But it is not just the idea of being in a relationship that ladies or even men want. You look forward to building a relationship with that person which will ultimately end in marriage. After spending a few months or so with him, you wonder if he is the person you want to live with for the rest of your life. Of course there is no perfect person and that is what makes things a little complicated. While emotions and passions are high, you may be lost with regards to the foundation of your relationship and what things you have to consider in order to make the right judgments. There are definitely things that matter and others that do not really count. In order to keep you from clouding you judgment with trivial issues as far as finding the right man to marry is concerned, we are going to examine some vitals in figuring out if the person you are in a relationship with or intend to get into a relationship with is the right person for you. Even after meeting the right man, you will still have to judge for yourself so you are sure of what you get.

The bonding factor

It takes time for two people to bond together but bonding is an important determinant in relationships. Meeting the right man is one step. Bonding with him is the next thing you should look forward to. Sometimes you meet a guy who seems to fit the description of your dream man, but for some reason, you just can’t bond with him. Admiration for any guy does not guaranty that you are going to bond together. On the other hand, if you find someone you easily bond with, he is worth considering for a life partner. People bond in the simple things of life. Discussions, simple outings and dates, those kind of stuff. It does not take money or fame to bond with someone. As a matter of fact, it is difficult to bond with some people because of the money and fame they have. These act as barriers between the other person and yourself.

The most important things in life are simple. If you can hold up a conversation with someone for example, it will be easier for you to bond with that person. You enjoy things like walking together and hanging out as often as you have the opportunity to. It is these little things that help couples or those who are just meeting each other bond easily. Find someone you share a bond with. Someone you are fond of and at the same time never seem to get used to or tired of. The man you bond with easily is the man you can easily stay with for the rest of your life. Alternatively, if you experience troubles bonding with someone, it may be a strong sign that he is not the right person for you. It is one area in life and relationships where you should never struggle. Just be yourself and don’t put any form of pressure on the other person to act unlike themselves. If you are both able to love and cherish your real selves, then he could be the right person for you.

Considering that some people are only meant to be friends, you cannot build your judgment on the issue of bonding only. It is possible to bond with someone who is not right for a relationship or marriage partner but is a a great friend. Be careful not to mistake the bond of friendship for that of a lover. When you meet a guy for the very first time, you should be able to tell if he is simply a friend or if you are dating the right guy. This means checking your emotions betimes.

Basic beliefs

In the name of love some, some women have blundered on this point and have experienced the bitterness of getting into a relationship or worse still marriage without considering the matter. Meeting the right man has to be guided by your personal beliefs and convictions especially on spiritual matters. Our basic beliefs are very important for deciding if a guy is the right partner or not. The most important of such beliefs has to do with your spiritual belief. We all take the things we believe in seriously. On the existence of God for example, there are guys who believe that God does live and that he has a relationship with them. Others simply believe in God as an idea. Then there are guys who believe that Jesus is the savior of mankind, the son of God and the way to have a relationship with God. These are Christians. Others believe in the Prophet Mohamed and they are called Muslims. As a matter of fact, there are more religious factions in the world than you can count. The point is, never make the mistake of ignoring a persons religious and spiritual beliefs when you consider whether or not to get into any committed relationship with them. The guy who believes like you do and holds on to the same religious and spiritual believes as yourself is probably the Mr right.

Then there is also the issue of moral beliefs. The simple judgments you hold on what is right and wrong concerning morals should guide you into making a decision on whether a guy is right for you or not. For example, if you are one of those who cannot stand people who smoke, don’t let your emotions deceive you into getting into a relationship with someone who smokes. Men are good at hiding their bad habits, especially when trying to win the heart of a lady. A chronic smoker upon noticing that you don’t like the habit may do it in secret or promise to stop with time. Here is the thing. If he is not going to give it up to get you, he will not give it up to keep you. This person may even hold that there is nothing wrong with smoking or taking drugs, so long as you can have control over yourself. The right person is always the one who shares the same beliefs with you on some basic but vital things in life. Don’t ignore it for any reason.

Cultural backgrounds

The issue of culture could be considered like that of basic belief, because to some extent, our cultures guide our beliefs and shape them. The one thing you have to watch out for when finding the right man to marry is if the guy’s cultural background welcomes your own. It is difficult to build a successful relationship with a guy when his relatives are against you and the relationship. The cultural background he comes from must accept yours. I know we live in the twenty first century and many people are not in touch with some things that are still a reality in certain areas of the world. Racism is one of such things. There are still countries and cultural backgrounds which do not tolerate marriages and union with people from different backgrounds. Some Muslim dominated nations for example do not tolerate marriage with Christians or non-Muslims in general. To them it is a taboo for one of theirs to fall in love with, talk less of getting married to someone who does not share the same culture and beliefs as they do.

A guy from such a place and background may be the wrong person to fall in love with. It could be possible to build a life with such a person if he is completely estranged from his cultural background which is quite unlikely.

Don’t make the error of intending to change him or come to a compromise about the issue of his culture when you guys perhaps start dating or get married. The probability of that happening is near zero. The right guy for you is the one who comes from a background that accepts yours and is willing to accept you. You should make up your mind about the kind of cultural background you will want him to come from even before meeting the right man.

Similar aspirations

Aspirations have to do with the future and the things that you both look forward to achieve. When you meet or start dating the right guy, it is very likely that you are going to share similar aspirations about certain important things in life. You may not have the same career path and you don’t have to. But there are certain things that bring fulfillment to you that should be taken with similar concern by the man. This will prove that you are dating the right guy. Lets say you love taking care of children. You look forward to one day running an organization that takes care of homeless children. If this is very important to you, then the right person should at least fancy the idea. Even if he is not going to actively participate to see that it comes to realization. You could be able to mange with someone who is indifferent on your aspirations. At least sharing those aspirations with him may get him interested. But if the guy you are considering just outrightly resents your aspirations, then you are not dating the right guy. You should avoid getting into any serious relationship with such a person. It is only going to cause pain and regrets in the long run.

You share similar values

Getting into a relationship with someone who does not share similar values with you is definitely getting into the wrong relationship. Your values are similar to your moral beliefs and they affect your priorities. This implies getting into a relationship with someone who does not have similar values like you do will mess up your priorities. If you are to give up your values and priorities while finding the right man to marry or keep a relationship, it is quite certain that the relationship is hardly going to work out. Why you may ask? Our values determine the quality of life we have. If you get into a relationship with someone whose values are opposite to yours, you may start feeling like you are under some form of bondage.

Sharing similar values with someone means you love the things that the person loves and hate the things he hates. If you do not love clubbing, it will not be wise to fall in love with or get married to someone who would rather be in the club every other night of the week.

Ask yourself, can I be in a relationship with this guy and still hold on to my values? If not, am I willing to give up my values for the sake of having a relationship with him? If the answer is still negative, you need to let him go. Again, don’t be self deceived. You cannot change him. Getting into a relationship with the aim of changing him is a mistake you don't want to make.

Willingness to make sacrifices

Sacrifices are the purest and strongest demonstration of love and affection. The right person is definitely the one who can make certain sacrifices for you without any form of pressure or manipulation on your part. Sacrificing time that could have been spent doing other important things just to be with you, or sacrificing hard earned money to get you a gift or maybe take you out may sound like little things every other person has been doing forever. However, it is not necessarily the gift or outing that matters. What matters is the things and people given up to be with you or get something you like. A guy who is a committed football fan may never be willing to give up watching a football match with his friends to be with you, but if you find such a guy who can do that, well, he is likely to be Mr Right.

Family approval

This is a big one with regards to finding the right man to marry. But it depends on the society you live in. In some societies around the world, it is impossible to successfully build a relationship that could lead to marriage without the approval of parents and even some family member from both sides. Family approval means a lot in some societies and cultural backgrounds. In other places, it matters little or nothing. In any case you might want to be sure that the family of the one you admire approves of your relationship with him.

A welcoming family is proof that your relationship has a great chance of thriving. A disapproving family may mean you should look elsewhere. You cannot use this as the main factor to determine whether or not a He is the right person for you. However, it may still serve as a hint or pointer to the things you should expect if you choose to get into a committed relationship with someone whose family, and especially his parents do not approve of the relationship.

He is proud of you and honors you

Ever falling in love with or gotten interested in a guy who always seems lost on how he should introduce you when you both meet someone for the first time? There are two things that could be the reason for it. First, it may be because your relationship with him is not clearly defined yet. Maybe you are both still at the level where your relationship seems to be more than just friendship and at the same time, you have not declared your feelings for each other. In this case, it is safe to conclude that the guy is confused because of the uncertainties surrounding your relationship with him.

On the other hand, if you have both declared your love for each other other and have gone beyond friendship to a relationship, he has no reason to be confused about how you should be introduced to others. In this case, you are dealing with a man who is not proud of you. At least not enough to call you a partner before others. That’s a bad sign.

A guy who treats you like a trophy, always wanting to show you off to his friends and anyone you both come in contact with is the right person for you. It shows that he knows your value and is proud of what you mean to him. Such a person is less likely to hurt you in the future or maybe turn you into some secondary thing in life. The right guy is most often the one who cherishes and honors the fact that you decided to commit yourself to him amongst all other men who may have been interested in getting into a relationship with you. A guy who is proud of his girl knows what he got and the likelihood that he is going to take you for granted is low.

He is not out to change you

Dating the right guy should mean dating the one who sees so many things about you that have to be changed. We don’t get into relationships to change people. If you find someone who loves your personality like you are, then he meets one qualification to be Mr Right. Anyone who is going to make it his business to change you to the person he likes to see or have is a mistake. For one thing, he is hardly going to succeed and secondly, the relationship is only going to leave your frustrated. Love that starts out by seeking to change the other person is usually controlling and demanding. Some guys have a habit of always telling the ladies they claim to love what they don’t like about them and hardly ever say anything positive about their partners. Avoid such a man like the plague. Get you a man who focuses on the positive side of your personality and only encourages you to become better. Not putting you under any form of pressure to conform to the image of the person he wants you to be.

You have gotten into making plans together

Every relationship that has a future is built with the future in mind. This means making long term and short term plans. Talking with each other about the future is an important sign that you are with the right person. If a guy discusses his plans for the future with you and even encourages you to be part of it, he definitely looks forward to spending the future with you.

You guys get to talk about things like marriage, vacations, future accomplishments and you are actually passionate about those things. It even gets better and more interesting if you actually make plans together to see those things come to pass. Some times making plans is not enough. The right guy will go beyond discussing the future to making plans for the accomplishment of those dreams.

He has a life of his own

The right for any lady is a guy who has a life of his own and is up to something. Some guys can be very empty. Having no purpose or pursuit in life. A guy should be able to take care of you and himself. He should have a focus and a future. If you get into a relationship or married to someone who is going nowhere, you are headed no where.

It is possible to know if the guy you are getting involved with is the right one for you before getting too involved emotionally. Meeting the right man ans making the right judgment may become complicated when you are already emotionally neck deep with the other person. In that case you should get the help of a marriage counselor or a third party

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