How to build self- esteem

Self-esteem is having confidence in yourself and it is the opposite of having an inferiority complex. Some people naturally have a high self-esteem, that is, they are always confident in themselves. Meanwhile, there are those who have a low self-esteem and have to work hard to build it. In today's world, those who have self-confidence thrive in whatever they do because they believe in themselves. Low self-esteem is a serious problem which you need to fight against and one way to do that is by learning how to improve self-esteem.

A good number of people are suffering from this issue. They cannot even interact properly with their friends and not to mention people who are superior. In this era of ours, you need self confidence in every aspect of life. You need self confidence in the kitchen when you are cooking, you need self-confidence at school, you need it at work, you need it in your business, and you equally need it when you attend meetings with clients, in fact, you need to have a high self-esteem to live daily. However, it is important to try to figure out the causes of low self-esteem. It could be because you don’t have a job, poor academic performance, and loneliness. Let us talk about the common areas where you need to build your self-esteem.

Building self-esteem from your physical appearance

Now this is one area I really love talking about because some people have a thing on their looks which makes them feel like they are not socially accepted. People cultivate a low self-esteem because they feel that they are ugly or because one part of their body is not right and so they feel dejected. They walk around with no self-confidence or dignity. The only reason they have this low self-esteem is because, they are concentrating on what other people think about them which brings me to the first point on how to gain self-confidence.

Love yourself and act like you are the best in the world

It all starts with you. The world will never love you if you do not love yourself first. Building self-esteem and fighting against low self-esteem starts when you begin loving yourself. Be proud of yourself, never feel inferior because the way the world or people around you make you feel. Stop criticising yourself. Probably your mind is criticising you a lot and bringing up many destructive thoughts. Stand your grounds in every situation and do your best to work hard in whatever you do. You are the only one of your kind created by God.

There’s never going to be another you. That is the reason why two people cannot have the same finger print. Be the best and consider yourself the best. You can never conquer low self-esteem if you have an inferiority complex. You should not keep regarding yourself as unfortunate probably because you have a broken leg and a broken arm or maybe a burnt face. What makes you strong is the ability to accept and stand firm in whatever situation you may find yourself. So what if that other person has straight legs and you have curved legs? It does not change the fact that you a human being? No, it does not. These are the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself before letting anyone negetively affect your self-esteem. Remember that God created each and every human being the way they are for a purpose. Despite your disability, you can do something to impact the world, something that even those with complete body parts could never do. This is why you should love yourself and consider yourself the best. It is the simplest way to improving self-esteem.

Never get affected by what people say about you

Naturally, people will always have something to say about you either good or bad and sometimes, the bad things will be more than the good things they say and other times, the good things will be more. Now it is your duty to decipher and to select what you want to hear from them. The reason why some people have developed a low self-esteem is because they let what people said to get to them. They felt that they were not socially accepted by others because of their looks. The first thing you should keep at the back of your mind is that you can never force people to admire or like you.

Maybe you are not very beautiful as compared to your neighbours daughter for example and you are being mocked because of this all the time and then you just give up on yourself and get defeated. No. this should never be the case, you are your own model and whether your neighbours daughter is more beautiful than you should not be the reason why you should look down on yourself. Someone will always be more beautiful than the other, the same way someone will always be better than the other, it is a normal thing in life so why should it even bother you.

You are more beautiful than some other person too and so your neighbours child is more beautiful than you and of course there is someone more beautiful than her too and the cycle goes on so why should you debase yourself because of a normal phenomenon of life simply because someone mocked you? You can never succeed in life without people trying to make you feel bad about yourself to the extent that you cannot talk when others are talking but in order to finally succeed, you should imagine those people throwing stones at you to burry you but instead you use those stones to build a strong foundation to your success.

Put yourself in others shoes and see that you are better off

Sometimes, like the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible, you may be thinking that your situation is the worst on planet earth. But why not look around you and see that there are many reasons and things for which you should be grateful for. Let me use this example, your friends invite you for a party and because you “think” you do not have the perfect figure that other girls have, you refuse to go along. You may be unaware but this is low self-esteem at work here. Why should you feel inferior because you do not have a perfect body shape when there are people out there who cannot even walk, some cannot even see while some have burnt faces and there you are, a complete beautiful image of God and you still do not have confidence in yourself. If you have been in this situation then now is the time for you to rise up and focus on building self-esteem.

Building Self Esteem Generally

Appreciate yourself always: One of the ways to improve self-esteem is by learning how to appreciate yourself when you do things. They don’t have to be big things. The little thing you do matters and whenever you appreciate yourself, it plays on your subconscious mind and makes you feel important. Appreciating yourself means that you were able to do something right and if you do this constantly, it will go a long way to build on your self-esteem.

Act right: One the ways to gain self-confidence is by keeping a clear mind or a sound conscience. How do you keep a clear conscience? It’s simple. Just do the right things always. When you do the right things, you are able to live life without any fear, without anything holding you back. Treat people right and in the same way you would want them to treat you. Walking around with a clean heart is one of the best ways to improve self-esteem because when you walk, you walk with self-confidence and with no fear. On the other hand, a person who does not treat people right or does the right things walks around in fear and this plays a lot on self-esteem because you will not be confident of yourself.

Stop trying to be perfect: Improving self-esteem demands that you learn to be satisfied with what you do. Don’t kill yourself if it did not turn out the way you wanted. Tell yourself at least I did it for today and next time will be better or say to yourself today was good enough but tomorrow will be better, I did it! Be satisfied with what you accomplish. Trying to be perfect is even more dangerous not only to your self-esteem but to your health as well because you will always be nervous. There is no perfect human being and perfection is difficult to attain, the same goes for the things you do. It is not at all times that things will turn out the way you wanted. It doesn’t mean that you are incapable, it just means that you have to try harder the next time because if you expect everything about you to be perfect, then you are heading towards the destruction of your self-esteem.

Accept and Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way

Everyone makes mistakes so why do you crucify yourself because you made a mistake or because you failed. Mistakes happen to make us stronger and so that we can learn from our mistakes. When you do not accept your mistakes and failures positively, it will affect your self-esteem. Some people have regarded themselves as worthless because of a single mistake they made. It is not supposed to be like that. Building self-esteem demands that you console yourself in times of failure.

Act like it is a family member or a friend consoling you. Tell yourself, it’s ok, it’s not the end of the world, you just need to learn from it. It is true that people get hurt when they make mistakes, of course you have the right to be hurt because you put in a lot of effort in what you did. Always work on building self-esteem and not trying to weigh yourself down because every successful person in the world made a mistake or failed at one point of their lives but the difference is that they never let it pull them down. That is why you will hear more about their successes and even nothing about their failure. It doesn’t mean that they don’t fail, they do. The secret is that they accept and handled their mistakes and failures in a positive way. They learned from it and it made them stronger. They became more self-confident so you can also start learning on how to gain self-confidence.

Don’t compare yourself with other people

This is one thing that will make you lose your self-esteem. Comparing yourself with others will make you lose your self-worth. Knowing that people are different and that some others are bound to be more than others is one way of working towards building self-esteem. When improving self-esteem, you should view yourself at your own level and not on the level of others. Let us use this example; you have graduated from school and after a long search for a job, you still remain unemployed meanwhile your friends with whom you graduated with have found jobs and are working already. At the beginning of the article, I indicated that one of the causes of low self-esteem is unemployment. Now this is the point I am trying to make everyone has his or her own time. You don’t have to get a job at the same time that your friend gets the job. You also do not need to put on a Cinderella gown because a friend of yours has that on or you do not need to live in a flat because someone of your age lives there.

When you develop this type of mentality, it plays a lot on your self-esteem because you will feel inferior to those people, meanwhile, things did not have to be that way. Everyone has a destiny so wait for yours. The fact that someone tells you they are happy and comfortable doesn’t really mean they are or it doesn’t mean the person is more of a human being than you. It means that the person has accepted to stay in the level that he or she is. What you can do is to consider the person as your model. That way you get encouraged and motivated to work harder. Building self-esteem at work also means that you should not compare yourself with your colleagues but work on how you can work together with them to improve on your skills and improving self-esteem.

Surround yourself with supportive people and spend less time with destructive people

When improving self-esteem, you should strive to make supportive and productive friends that is people who will add positive aspects to your whole being. There is a saying that you end up being like the five people you spend most of your time with. This should awaken some level of consciousness in you to make sure that the people you spend most of your time with, should be people who have a focus in life, people who are productive and people who can support you towards building your self-esteem. When working on how to gain self-confidence, associate with people who can help you work towards that. There’s no need staying around people who do not see you as a worthy person. Why should you even stay around people who classify you as inferior? Rather, associate yourself with people who see someone good in you, with people who belief that you can do better if you get a little help from them, with people who can always encourage and above all with people who can constantly remind you of the great person you are. When you do this, you can now get ways to improve your self-esteem and indirectly prove to those who considered you useless that you are a great person. True, sometimes we need a challenge to make us better. Maybe if you were not insulted and called inferior, you would not work hard to be whom you are. Accept the challenge and make good use of it instead.

Read inspirational books

Getting in touch with inspirational books is one of the ways to improve self-esteem. By reading these books, you get inspired and are reminded about who you are. Inspirational books awaken the sleeping dog in you because most often, we need someone to tell us that we are sleeping. Inspirational books will also educate you on how to gain self-confidence.


Integrity means one is responsible for his or her actions. Usually, it is important to have a sense of integrity if one is to consider having self-esteem. Integrity involves taking note of every little issue around, acting on the ones one can in a proactive and responsible way, and taking responsibility for things that one was supposed to do but could not. One must match words with action. Playing the blame game rather makes one lose self-esteem.

Another element of integrity which yields self-esteem is knowing your job. If you master what you do, you become increasingly confident with yourself. You can express yourself in public, and others look up to you as a teacher and source of reference. To do this, one needs extreme courage. Also, integrity demands a lot of honesty. If given anything to do, do it with all your strength and in total honesty. A situation that warrants you to present figures or amounts means you should carefully look at every detail and report accordingly. This makes people respect you in a community. Mean what you say or do. This improves your self-esteem.

Transform your knowledge and skills into money and avoid being a beggar: In some situations, there are persons who have the knowledge and skills, but do not find it easy to transform those same abilities into productive efforts. Money is a powerful influence in life. When one is able to use their knowledge and skills to make money, it become easy to gather self-esteem. At this level, one becomes a master of their fate. You have the authority to determine a whole lot of things. On the contrary, devoting oneself to being unproductive makes one lose self-esteem. Here, one becomes dependent on others and your programmes are determined by others.

You become like a robot that others can easily order around. You lose face value in front of the same people you depend on. Worst still, some of them who are proud will want the world to know that they are the ones making you to survive. This now extends from them to others; known as the third person effect. Consequently, you dash out your self-esteem to so many people. The world today is full of industrial activities, and every employer needs people who will readily move their businesses forward either with formal or informal knowledge that they have gathered as part of their lived experiences. You can master how to gain self-confidence by transforming what you know into monetary terms.

Be Assertive

Assertiveness is a key value to survival in life. It means being able to evaluate a situation and making honest contributions to it. Such contributions can be positive or negative; but the fact that you are able to identify a gap somewhere and speak up to it communicates a lot about one’s personality. Assertiveness is needed both at the individual, group, community, and societal levels. In being able to critically and objectively voice one’s opinion on issues, chances are that you will be looked up to as a leader. Once people notice your sense of objective judgment, they always want to rely on you. Another way to increase one’s sense of assertiveness is to prevent shyness.

There are people who do not feel comfortable in voicing their opinions in a group. The worst is when they find themselves amongst people they are not familiar with. At this point, and especially when they guess their case is not good enough, they resort to shyness. They either do not speak at all, or timidly agree to the opinion of a majority. This is the bandwagon effect, which is a great killer of self-esteem. Even if it is a little contribution, it is usually good to voice your opinion. This is how you gain self-confidence by voicing your opinion objectively, and consequently, improve your self-esteem.

Listen before you talk

One of the greatest communication skills is listening. In listening to others, one can be able to make thrilling contributions towards any subject of discussion. Sadly though, some individuals prefer to talk more and listen less, or, talk before they listen. So, one must be able to understand how others reason and analyze from what direction they can contribute in a discussion. Everyone has, at least, something to offer. So, always listen first before you talk. So, always listen first before you talk. By listening to others, you improve your self-esteem.


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