In the matter of romantic relationships, it is common to hear guys always defend themselves when things go wrong by throwing all the blame on the ladies. In the same way, most ladies seem to think they are always the wronged party and they wish men would just admit their wrong and make apologies. It is not always easy though, for men or women to really see the role they have played in any relationship problem that may arise. Now for a moment let’s keep the guys aside and discuss certain dating mistakes women make in relationships, and which I am sure they hardly even take note of. If you are yet to commit yourself to a relationship, it is important that you go through the following point carefully so that you can avoid the pitfalls that others have been trapped by.
For some people it takes just one failed relationship to give up hope and make the decision to never date again. There are women who once had relationships without knowledge of these issues and when it crumbled, they could hardly see where they had been at fault. So they concluded that the man had been the problem. Some of them have actually resorted to lesbianism. Not because they could not have a successful natural relationship but rather because they knew little or nothing about what role they themselves were playing to sabotage their own relationship.
Dating a guy with the intentions of changing him
Many a lady meets a guy at a bar or in some other place and though she can see the kind of person that he is from that very first day, she ignores it. For example, for the first time you met a guy, he was with his friends, fully engaged in a discussion. He looked like the type who hangs out with friends a lot. You also noticed once or twice that he drinks heavily or smokes frequently but you still made the decision to commit yourself to a relationship with him. However, this decision was not made because you figured out you will be able to live with and love the kind of man that he is. Your intention, rather was to get the man as he is, then transform him to the kind of man you want. Little did you know that you were about to fall prey to one of the most common dating mistakes women make in relationship. Successful women in relationships are those who make the decision to love the guy they have fallen in love with.
It doesn’t work that way dear. If you are having troubles in your relationship now, and it seems to be because the guy does things that irritate you, chances are he had been doing those same things before and after you met him. You knew about them and also knew you did not like those habits of his, but you were in love and decided to make out of him the kind of man you expect to see. Now you have tried doing that for months, maybe years and only recently has it dawned on you that he is not going to change, at least not any time soon. So you are frustrated and want out. It could also be that your guy is the type who always wants to be with his family or is a workaholic. He therefore has little or no time to be with you. From the time you both started dating, you knew that was the kind of man he is but you made a decision to take your chances, hoping that he will change. It is just one of the mistakes girls make.
Actually it is possible that the guy will change, but very unlikely that the change is going to be influenced by your insistence on effecting it. If you have gotten yourself into a situation where you do not like the person you are in a relationship with, what you need is to let go of the struggle and stop making efforts to ensure that he changes. Supposing you still have interest in the relationship and intend to stay with or possibly get married to him, you need to just let him be. Make up your mind to love him in spite of the things he does which you do not like. Be patient and let him see why he has to make certain changes for the sake of the relationship because until he realizes there is a need to change, you are only wasting your time and misdirecting your efforts.
Trying to make your relationship the main thing in his life
Dear lady, no real man builds his life around his relationship and if you find one who does, then you have found someone with misplaced priorities. For every relationship to thrive, the two people who come together must be whole individuals. Relationships are not parasitical and successful women in relationships know how to avoid extremities. Many ladies hold the idea that when a man professes to love them or is in a relationship, his entire life must be about the relationship. And that is actually one of the most common of all dating mistakes women make in relationships. As a result, they fret at the slightest sign that the guy’s attention is not as much on the relationship as it should be. They expect him to text or call after every few minutes, and to consider every other thing in life to be useless compared to their relationship. Of course I am not against a guy expressing his love and affection for you or making little gestures and taking actions that reveal how much he values the relationship. In fact, if he does not do those things, I will be the first to advise you to forget the relationship and move on with your life.
Nevertheless, desiring to bring your relationship to the center of his life is not wise. It is among the common mistakes girls make. Ladies who have such tainted mentality about relationships often find themselves putting unnecessary pressure on the guy to be more available and more committed. They may expect him to keep away from social activities and friends and to spend the extra time with them. To such ladies, doing this is proof of love.
The truth is, before you met that guy, he had a life and expecting him to lose that life because he got into a relationship with you is not fair at all. Your guy’s engagements with other people and activities are a necessity for a healthy relationship but if you are being selfish, it will be difficult to realize the truth in that. Give him the liberty to pursue his dreams, to interact with his friends and to socialize positively. It is vital for a balanced and productive relationship.
Thinking you have power over him through sex or can influence and keep him the same way
No woman has a monopoly over sex and you must come to terms with that. It is an error for any woman to assume that because her man needs sex, she can use it as a means to control or influence his decisions. This is however disadvantageous to the women. Let’s take the example of two people who have been in a relationship for a while and decided not to have sex. Then maybe the man became tired of that decision and decided he wanted sex. The lady on her part will be making a mistake to think that by giving him what he wants, she is going to keep the man for herself. That is one error though one of the mistakes girls make. If a guy will not respect your personality and decision in the matter of having sex, it is better for you to forget about him. If he goes as far as demanding sex as a condition to keep the relationship, you need to simply terminate it. The value of a woman is not in her sexual abilities but the quality of her personality. If you are looking forward to a glorious relationship that could even lead to marriage, you have to make sure the one you chose for a partner understands and holds the same values that you do. Otherwise you are headed for heartbreak and an emotional wreckage. Never try to keep a man with sex. It is one of the mistakes women make in relationships and never recover from.
Secondly, ladies sometimes have the idea that once they are able to give a guy good sex, they do not need to improve on themselves in other aspects of life. That is a poor mentality. No reasonable relationship is built on the platform of sex. And remember a man can always get it from any other woman if he does not find you valuable in other aspects in life. You need to develop your personality and pursue your dreams. Add value to your life and any worthy man will value you. This is one of the secrets of successful women in relationships.
Bringing your friends into every detail of your relationship
Here is a tip off for you and caution against the mistakes girls make. Guys generally do not like ladies who have a number of friends they always hang around and chat with. Not because they are possessive but because most of such ladies have a terrible habit of bringing their friends into every little issue of the relationship. Of course there are things which you can talk over with your friends but it is immaturity to discuss some other things especially when they have to do with your guy’s personality. Successful women in relationships know how to guard the details of their relationships.
To begin with, it is inappropriate to discuss your sexual affaires with your friends. For some reason girls too copy the bad habit that some guys are proud of. Waving details of every sexual affair with a partner to their friends as though it were some trophy. That is gross and yet it is just one of the many dating mistakes women make. If you are having troubles in your relationship and need advice, don’t run off to friends whom you know will always sympathize with you. Rather look for a friend who is objective and if possible one who has gone through the same issue you need help for. Talking over relationship issues with friends who themselves are not in any productive relationship is a sure way to sabotage your own relationship. If there is no worthy friend to count on, it is better you see a counselor.
Though this is embarrassing to even mention, there are ladies who actually think it is okay to take their friends along for every date they have with a partner. Girl, that is everything but OK. If you are fun of inviting your friends to come along whenever you have a date with your partner, you need to stop that immediately. It sells you off to the guy as an unserious type and makes it difficult for him to develop the relationship to another level.
Trying to have control over the guy and the relationship
It is the twenty first century and oh what a fuse ladies are making about gender equality. They pick up the information and exaggerate the whole issue without understanding what gender equality is all about. This matter is the most probable reason why we have so many ladies in unhappy relationships and marriages. Whether you are comfortable with the fact that men are to head or lead in relationships or not makes all the difference in your relationship.
Men are not expected to treat women like slaves by any means and for any reason. At the same time, it is improper for a lady in a relationship to assume equality with a guy she is dating. Every man likes to be honored and respected as the leading figure in any relationship. Even nature, by means of the animals and other creatures teach us this.
Things get worse when instead of being submissive and respectful, a lady finds herself always challenging the guy or trying to dominate him. That in itself is rebellious and disrespectful. No man will take any lady serious who seeks to be in control of him and the relationship. Serious guys are looking for respect and humility in ladies. Not arrogance and a domineering attitude.
Committing yourself to more than the guy is willing to take responsibility for in the relationship
As a lady, once you accept a guy’s proposal for a relationship, you need to let him take the lead and follow him only as far as he shows himself committed to the relationship. Let me put it in clearer words. If you are only dating, keep it at that and make sure you do not go past the rules for dating. It is disrespectful to yourself to act like you guys are engaged when in fact the guy in question has never so much as mentioned marriage to you. But for some reason women don’t seem to mind. So it remains one of the most common dating mistakes women make.
While you are only dating a guy, there is no need for you to cook for him or wash his clothes or act as a housewife. If a guy has not valued you enough to marry you, do not allow him enjoy the privileges of a married man. If you do, you are only reducing your chances of getting married to the same guy. You can sure assist him do a few things when it is absolutely necessary but never allow it become a routine or give him the slightest impression that you are obliged to do it. It is a privilege for him and should remain that way until you are both engaged or married.
Pressuring the guy into a more committed relationship
Sometimes, ladies, out of desperation make terrible blunders to either get or keep a relationship. One reason is because our society has wired people to think that if you are not in a relationship or not married at a certain age, there is something wrong with you. First you find ladies who go as far as seducing men into relationships and resolve to do whatever it takes to keep the men they got. For most of these ladies the ultimate goal of getting into a relationship is marriage and though they are right in that, they are wrong in trying to drive men into making decisions to get into more committed relationships that will lead to marriage.
When you start out dating a guy, it is alright to look towards and prepare for marriage. However, you must be careful not to rush things, especially if the man is reluctant to. Some ladies accept a guy’s proposal for a meaningful relationship but before he even has time to know her, she is already putting him under pressure for the relationship to take the next phase – courtship. Sometimes this makes guys reluctant to follow through with one stage or even take their relationships to the next level.
Living your life in an effort to please him
No one should get into any relationship with an intention of proving themselves. Relationships, especially romantic ones are meant for two people to know themselves better and bond more intimately in preparation for marriage. When a lady finds herself doing everything possible to please a guy, it is time for her to reconsider the basis of the relationship. No right thinking man will expect you make any effort to please him. The greatest achievement in relationships is to find someone who loves you for who you are. Who does not expect you to fake a personality in an effort to prove yourself worthy. It is time wasting and energy draining. Don’t lose yourself in an effort to keep a relationship.
Taking little things for granted
You know those little things people do for us that we take for granted or ignore until we are forced to recognize their importance when they are taken away? Many of them are actually done by our partners. Some ladies make the mistake of feeling entitled to certain type of treatment or appreciation from a guy because they happen to be in a relationship. If you are interested in making things work and seeing a successful relationship, you need to understand the importance of the little gifts, the outings, the abrupt love messages and any other effort a guy may be making to keep a relationship alive. You are indeed priceless and deserve the best treatment, but it is in your own interest not to get to a point where you feel entitled to all what he does for you. When you do, it begins to lose value and significance to you. subsequently, your attitude towards those loving gestures will change from excitement and appreciation to indifference and ungratefulness. You can also be sure that he is going to notice the change in attitude and may begin to neglect you or cease from expressing his love like he used to do.
Not reading the signs?
This is one mistake a handful of ladies will hardly even notice they are making. Every relationship has a purpose (or should) and the ultimate for a romantic relationship between a lady and a guy is marriage. To this end, it is important as a lady that you read the signs of progress or stagnation in a relationship. If marriage is what you want, you can’t afford to just wait. Relationships of this nature are like they say; what goes around comes around. First the guy try to woo the lady into a relationship with him, then it seems the lady has to woo the man into marrying her. Whether or not your relationship is heading towards marriage is one things you can understand by watching for certain signs of progress and these will definitely help you avoid most of the dating mistakes women make in relationships.
Those are the mistakes girls make in their relationships. Even if you have messed things up, it is not too late to make amends. Successful women in relationships have learnt to master these issues and deal with them. You can too.