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How to get over a break up and move on successfully

By Walson

You never know how much of yourself you have invested into a relationship until the time comes when you have to separate with your partner. Falling in love is easy and delightful but breaking up, no matter the reason for it has a way of breaking a person’s heart and leaving one feeling emotionally, psychologically and even physically sick. Dealing with a breakup is especially painful because when people fall in love, they seldom expect a breakup and hardly ever make any preparations for it. Knowing how to deal with a breakup could actually be something to consider even while you are single.

However, one thing remains sure, and that is the fact that whether you prepare for a breakup or not, it is going to be painful to know that the person you once shared so many wonderful moments with is no longer a part of your life, and could possibly never be. The good thing is that you can deal with the pain of a breakup and make things a lot easier for yourself if you know just the right thing to do. Getting over a breakup does not need to be complicated. Let’s look at some time tested and proven tips that will help you deal with any breakup and move on successfully.

Remember you are still very valuable to other people

One reason why breakups are sometimes very difficult to deal with is that people who are in love often tend to loose themselves in the relationship. They lose all sense of self-worth and begin to look at the other person as a completion of their lives. The truth is, no one can complete you because you are not half a person. You are an individual and whole and having this understand is vital to coping with a breakup. You may have met a guy or lady who was always there for you when things became really difficult. He or she could even be the only true friend you had and felt comfortable sharing all of life’s challenges with.

They always encouraged you and knew just the right words to say. This is one thing that makes getting over a breakup even more difficult. Now that you have broken up with that person, you must remember that you are precious enough to allow other people take his place or her place in your life. There are people out there you can help and situations you can fix. Instead of killing yourself over someone who left you (or whom you decided to leave) make up your mind to express how valuable you are by positively impacting the lives of others and making them feel honored to have you around. Understanding how to deal with a breakup does require that you start figuring out how you can get back at your ex.

Hang out with and Talk to friends

We all have friends, or should. Though the person you are in love with could be your best friend, there are others you can always hang out and talk with. One of the worse mistakes to make while coping with a breakup is to spend a lot of time alone thinking about the issue. This may feel like the right or most convenient thing to do but getting over a breakup successfully requires that you learn to deal with and avoid loneliness. At such moments you are usually emotionally and psychologically vulnerable especially if you did not initiate the breakup. Hanging out with friends is actually one of the best ways of coping with a breakup. If you have a few friends who are close – and trustworthy- discuss the issue with them and have them give you friendly advice. Good friends always have a way of reminding you of how important you are to them and can cheer you up even when that seems impossible. On the other hand you have to be careful of the advice you get from them. Your friends could mislead you in times like this by not telling you where you were wrong in the relationship. 

When moving on after a breakup seems unbearable, your friends will be those who make you smile and remind you of how lucky you are to still have all the wonderful privileges you have. Instead of submitting to worry, anxiety and anger, go out with friends and have fun. This will help you take your mind off the issue and relax.

Talk to an elderly person or preferably your parents

Though our parents are usually the last people we want to bring our romantic relationship issues to, they are also often the best people to talk with. For one thing, you can be sure that they have had their fair share of experiences and nothing teaches better than experiences. Your relationship with your parents may not be what one can call “close” but truly every caring parent will be delighted to have their child come up to them with such matters. To them it is a sign of love and trust.

They can always give you trustworthy advice or simply offer more consolation than you can get from any other person. Make your parents your confidents and coping with a breakup will be a lot easier for you. In case you do not have parents, you can always find an elderly person you can trust and confide in. Another important reason to confide in someone older than yourself is that they will be more likely to give you mature advice and possibly even recover your relationship. Your friends on the other hand may just be interested in consoling you and will not want to tell you the truth if you were wrong and have some lessons to learn for fear that they may hurt you.

Engage in activities you love

A visit to an interesting site, hiking, skiing and other fun activities can actually be of help while you are getting over a breakup. Like your friends, such activities help take your mind and emotions from the hurt of a breakup to the fun of the moment. Aside from physical activities, you could watch interesting movies when you can’t help being alone. Movies have a way of capturing a person’s attention and keeping their focus on the subject matter. A bad choice though, will be to watch romantic movies as these will only remind you of the wonderful moments you had with your ex, further compounding the pains and making the whole thing difficult to deal with. Sometimes engaging in activities like this is exactly how to deal with a breakup

You can get a job if you were not working before and become more occupied. The aim in dealing with a breakup is to help you do away with the emotional trauma it may have caused. The more you engage in different activities and keep yourself busy the less you will think about it and the easier it will be for you to deal with a breakup. Make sure you avoid idleness and loneliness like the plague when trying to deal with the pain of a breakup.

Avoid contacting your ex (clean out your phone if possible)

When the temptation to contact your ex becomes unbearable, that is when you shouldn’t. Though you both may have been crystal clear on breaking up the relationship, you could intend to act maturely and still be friends by checking up on them or initiating contact but you shouldn’t. keeping contact with someone you have broken up with, especially if you are the one initiating the contact makes you vulnerable and makes the process of getting over it even more difficult. Worse still you give your ex the upper hand over you and an opportunity to gloat about the fact that you are still interested in them

Resist the temptation of checking on their social media post and updates

Checking on your ex’s social media updates and post will only leave you heart broken and its clear NOT how to deal with a breakup. Chances are they may even know you will be checking and will put up provocative pictures to make you jealous. Give your heart time to heal. Checking on everything they may be doing on social media is actually just adding injury to wounds that are in the process of healing.

Most times people who are hurting form a breakup want to know that the other person is also going through the same thing. It seems to soothe the pain they may be feeling but it is not necessarily a means of coping with a breakup. More so if on checking you get to realize that they have actually happily moved on with some other person, you will feel worse than you already do and will find it more difficult to deal with that pain.

Be willing to wait and prepare for another

The next thing you have to do when getting over a breakup is to avoid running into another relationship for whatever reason. This could also be another tactic you may consider using to get back at your ex or to help you forget the pain but it is not really how to deal with a breakup. Rushing into another relationship you have not prepared for may be worse off because things are very likely to result in another breakup.

Sometimes you may not actually intend to get into another relationship but because you met someone who was willing to console you and show you excessive care, you fall in love with him or her and find yourself emotionally attached before you even had time to think about what was going on and make a rational decision. This is one reason why ladies who are recovering from a breakup will more easily confide in and seek consolation from a guy while the guys are apt to run off to ladies when they breakup from a relationship. 

The secret is to wait for the right time and that time is when you have fully recovered emotionally and no longer feel the pressure to get into another relationship or prove anything to your ex. While you wait, prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically to begin again. If you get into another relationship without truly considering what went wrong with the former and what you can do to avoid another breakup, you may just be preparing for another heartbreak episode. So muster the courage and self-control to wait and prepare for another relationship.

Keep away from psychological battles

Apart from rushing into another relationship or becoming obsessive about how your ex is faring without you, getting into mind games and engaging in psychological battles may be just as bad for you. Not only will you look childish and display some level of immaturity, you will also directly stand in your own way of healing emotionally and make things very difficult for yourself.

Psychological games like giving your ex hints on how well you are doing without him, telling her she was the biggest mistake that happened to you as well or putting up social media posts about your breakup are just no go areas when moving on after a breakup.

Just like you can take some steps and learn tips that are capable of helping you heal from a broken heart faster, you can also learn some tips that will help you move on better and here are some of them.

Don’t use drugs either

When things get very difficult, it is important to always remember that drugs are not the solution to the emotional pains. Drop the pills. They may make you sleep for hours in the hope that you will wake up to find out it was all just a dream, but that wouldn’t change a thing. You can leave from being heart-broken to a drug addict simply by giving in to the craving of finding help in dugs. Drugs and alcohol have a negative effect on your nervous system and brain functionality which are both critical to emotional healing and recovery. Taking drugs does not help you deal with the pains of a breakupin any way, it instead makes you weaker and less able to handle the situation.

Overeating and indulging in delicacies is as bad an idea as far as moving on after a breakup is concerned. It will only help raise anxiety levels, increase stress and add weight, things which most people find difficult to deal with in themselves.

Stop wishing and looking for possibilities of bringing your ex back into your life (and don’t hate them either)

When things go south in a relationship and you realize that your partner really meant it when they said “it is over” you may swear you will get him/her back instead of just taking time to heal. There are certain circumstances in which going after one who has just broken up with you will be the perfect thing to do. But that is not so, at least 95% of the time. So stop wishing they will come back or doing everything within your power to get them back with you.

Wishing they will “come back to their sense” is something which might never happen and at the end of the day cause more pain. Well, what if there is a possibility of it happening? Then in that case trying to win their love back will not be the right step to take. It will be better you just let them discover your worth and get back to you because he or she wants to, not because they are pressured in any way to.  

First, Don’t pass one man’s (or a few men’s judgement) on every man

You may have heard some of your girl-friends make the statement “all men are the same” and did not actually take them serious until you get two or three breakups yourself. Of course all men are not the same and even if you had a hundred failed relationships it still wouldn’t make all men the same. What ladies and guys who say the same thing of ladies don’t understand is that having a few failed relationships may be an indication that something is wrong with their end of the relationship. So before you label all men – or women – BAD, remember that there are others out there having a great relationship.

Moving on requires that you be willing to try again, to risk going through the pain of another breakup and to open up your heart to love again no matter how many times you have been hurt before. You cannot move on if you hold on to experiences of the past. Yes, they are painful but they don’t deserve a place in your heart.  And people may console you with words and encourage you with advice but at the end of the day, you have to do the hard work of taking a bold step again and moving on to what may be the best relationship experience you may have ever had.

Work on yourself before you become part of another person’s life

Like I already stated, it may be possible that you are the reason for all those breakups you have been having. And this goes to those who have had quite a few of them. The truth is, love relationship breakups don’t just happen suddenly. Neither does it happen in a day or week. Breakups are often the end result of conflicts unresolved, forgiveness not given or taken or even because you ignored signs that he or she is the wrong person.

Somehow you should have known but you didn’t pay close enough attention. Instead of jumping into another one, try to learn from the previous one(s) first. You may not be able to change what was wrong with your ex but you can surely change what was wrong about you and the role you played in the breakup.

It is difficult to admit faults. Maybe you will have everything slide past smoothly by just blaming your ex for everything that happened. Though it may seem to make dealing with a breakup easier, it will be a big show of irresponsibility on your part. Work on yourself. Try to figure out how you have contributed in the breakup and make changes in that respect. This is even more important if you have had a few breakups already.

Next, while we are still talking about working on yourself, remember to reconsider your choices. There are some ladies who just have a high tendency of falling in love with certain types of people. What’s wired is that players are actually the most appealing to some folks. They always find themselves attracted to a person who takes pride in dating different people at a time but never take out time to think it over so they keep making the same mistake over and over again. Look back at past relationships and consider negative patterns and how they may have contributed in breakups. This will go a long way to help prevent another and is a bold step to moving on after a breakup.

Be careful about hanging out with people of the opposite sex who may have recently gone through a breakup themselves

While dealing with a breakup, if you can find someone of the opposite sex who is also going through the pains of a breakup, feelings may very easily flare up and before you know it you may be into each other. While this has a very strong soothing effect against the pain at the moment, it is also very dangerous because you are both starting out on a wrong foundation. You have to be really careful about this particular issue because the road here is very slippery. Moving on after a breakup demands that you thread cautiously and put your emotions under control as much as possible.

Confiding in and finding consolation in someone of the opposite sex brings two hurting people together and in this case the two people’s hearts will very easily be synchronized because they have a strong basis for their connection but which is also not the right one. When you finally heal, you will come to find out that though you were both emotionally attracted to each other at the time, you were really not right for each other. Then old wounds would have to be opened again and even deeper than before.  

Start over with an understanding of what is the right foundation of a relationship – LOVE. While you are dealing with a breakup, make sure you revisit and get an understanding of what love really means. Moving on after a breakup is not easy (and it doesn’t have to be). Nevertheless, it is worthwhile.

 

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